August
by UchidaKarasu
Summary: ItaKaka, KakaIta. "I was stupid. I allowed myself to be convinced that I could take the bastard and show him that I could ruffle his feathers and shake his external calm." Rated M for language and adult themes.


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**August**

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**By UchidaKarasu**

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It was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid _stupid_! Why in the hell was I so _stupid_?! It's not like this was supposed to happen! I was supposed to do mission, deliver the scroll, go back home, take a couple of days off before teaching the brats more genjutsu techniques. But fuck! I was stupid, stupid, so fucking stupid!

I'm sure you're confused. I don't blame you. I probably shouldn't be writing this letter because it's pretty probable that someone'll find it and freak out or something, but I need to write this before I explode. I can't tell anyone here, because they'll think I'm an enemy, conspiring against Konohagakure, something that'll keep me from doing what I was put on this planet to do. So I guess I'm just going to risk it.

I did a solo mission to the Land of Snow. It was simple; take a sealed scroll to the leader of the main village and collect the fee. Half goes into my pocket, which is nice because the bastards pay well, and so with my mission allowance that Tsunade-sama gave me, I had a nice stack of ryo on me. Not that I'd be spending any of it. The dogs keep me warm even if I'm sleeping outside in the Snow Country. They're annoying little fuckers, but they can warm me up when and wherever.

Anyway, I saw him.

Uchiha Itachi. That missing-nin that we're supposed to capture and/or kill on sight. The brother of my ex-student. Sadistic mass murderer of his Clan and multiple other people. The man who's currently trying to extract my other student's bijū and kill him in the process. _That_ Uchiha Itachi. Sasuke's older brother and Naruto's worst nightmare.

He was just walking. Mind, it was a fast walk, but still, he just strolled past me like I wasn't worth a moment of his time. There were other people on the dirt road that I was taking to get back into the Fire Country, and I was about two hours from the border of the Land of Fire when he just _walked_ past me.

I mean, seriously! It was like I didn't even exist! Like I wasn't even worth the effort to look at! I was affronted, and hell, I'm still pissed out of my damn mind! I don't mean to sound all self-important and all that shit, but hadn't I proved myself to be a threat? We had fought each other during the rescue of Gaara and even though it was a clone, I proved myself to be of some concern to his seemingly superiour attitude. And I could survive his damn Mangekyō Sharingan.

But no. He just walked right past me. And did he really think that I'd just let him just stroll past me like I didn't give a shit? There's no way that he didn't expect me to confront him. He was walking away from the direction of Konohagakure after all, so there was no telling what he had been doing so close to the border of the Fire Country. He could've attacked it for all I knew!

So I attacked. And you know what he did?

Nothing. Not a damned thing.

He just let me tackle him with a Chidori-covered hand and let me knock him in the trees surrounding the dirt path. A couple of civilians glanced our way but due to the fact that there were only around ten people in the nearest couple of miles, they just shrugged and kept walking. They just left the two ninja's to battle it out.

And battle it out I did. At least _I_ did. He just deflected all of my attacks, not once attacking himself, and let me run out of steam. He made me feel weak, to tell the truth. We were both out of breath by the time I let my last Chidori fizzle out, but he hadn't used an ounce of chakra except for his Sharingan to evade and didn't use a single weapon except to block the kunai and shuriken I threw his way. He only used taijutsu when he was getting out of my way, and though my arm would be sore tomorrow, he didn't really hurt me either.

When I just narrowed my tired eyes at him, he said, "I don't want to fight, so I'm not going to."

I swear to Kami, if I had Naruto's chakra reserves, I would've killed that motherfucker in sheer cheek. I'm not a proud man, being generally lazy about everything, but that just boiled my blood. I had to get through that damn bored tone he was conveying to me. Again with the lack of respect. I had to get him to respond, so I tried bating him. Probably not the best idea, considering he had a large amount of chakra left and I was dead tired. But hell, it didn't matter, because the bastard didn't even blink at my sorry attempts to piss him off.

Eventually he just said, "I'm not going to argue with you either. Get out of my way and let me continue."

Turns out that he didn't even go to Konohagakure. Tsunade later told me when I offhandedly asked her if there were any sightings of Akatsuki in the area, "No. Well, there was a sighting of an Akatsuki on the border of Sunagakure, but that's not exactly close, is it?" I had shrugged and went on my merry way.

Anyway, I growled at that drawling voice. His lips curved in a small, barely noticeable smirk and I wanted to slap it right off of his face. So like a total moron, I lifted a hand to slap the man across the head to knock some sense in the bastard, and just as I was about to connect my palm to his temple like a damned _female_, I paused. Without letting my blazing eyes disconnect from those bored vermillion ones, I hissed with anger in the back of my throat.

I thought about how this was not going to solve anything. It really wasn't. And if he wasn't going to fight me, but he clearly wasn't going to allow himself to be captured either, would it necessarily be a bad thing to just let him go on his merry way? I immediately pummelled that thought out of my head and yet I still found myself hesitating. I needed to hurry up and crush the bastard's skull in, but…

How could I be so stupid?! I let my damn emotions get to me. That and my pride. I hadn't done that since before Obito had died, and I now feel so ashamed about it. I mean, I should've just let it go and rushed back to Konohagakure to report that he was in the area. I'd be home by nightfall, and even though he was bound to pick up his speed because he had ran into me, we still had a good chance of possibly tracking him and following him.

But no. I was stupid. I allowed myself to be convinced that I could take the bastard and show him that I could ruffle his feathers and shake his external calm. I had to be able to stun him and knock him off his feet because it would prove me to be superiour.

I'm stalling. I don't want to write this down, because I know that when I do, it'll make it more true. But I have to get it out of my system. I have to get it out of my head, and writing about something has always helped me before. Alright, I'm going to take a deep breath and then I am going to spill it out.

I kissed him.

Fuck! I'm a damned traitor to my village! I kissed the asshole! It was with a mask on and it definitely wasn't the best kiss by any means, but I fucking grabbed a handful of his silky hair with my gloved hand and smashed my face to his.

And guess what? He gasped and took a step back, lifting his hands and pushing me away. But he fucking _reacted_, damnit, and that was what I had aimed for. With a triumphant yell, I laughed shrilly---and Kami, I'm embarrassed with how I probably sounded, all hysterical and filled with misplaced satisfaction---and pointed to his face, my eyes wide. "Ha!" I screamed at him. "You're not as emotionless as everyone thinks you are, oh Mr. _Perfect_ Shinobi! I fucking _got_ to you! Ha!" I probably sounded like a crazy person, although I'm pretty convinced that even before this incident I was pretty crazy, but at that moment I didn't care. I was just completely consumed that I had finally bested him and had shaken his outward expression of calm and nonchalance.

I didn't expect him to advance on me and push me against a tree forcibly, and I sure as hell didn't expect myself to gasp and arch my back like a damned moron.

When I took this mission, it was supposed to be a simple exchange for a hefty paycheck. It was supposed to be quick, easy, painless, and cold. It was supposed to be effortless and simple, and I'd get a nice heap of cash to add to my pocketbook.

What I didn't expect was walking back to the village with a dazed sort-of expression in my only showing eye, my hidden neck and clavicles covered in red and purple bruises and my ass sore as hell.

I didn't want to sleep with him. I sure as hell didn't want to be pushed against a tree and fucked like an animal. I didn't want my first male sexual experience to be with a notorious S-class criminal that had destroyed my ex-student's life and caused him to run from the village, an evil mass murderer that was actively trying to slaughter the only living link I had to my sensei.

I was _straight_! I _am_ straight! So why in the hell was it so delicious? Why in the hell did I get so fucking hard that it seemed like I would explode, a sensation I hadn't even felt when I had dated Rin so long ago and I had loved her. _Why in the hell had I loved it so much?!_

I need to go strangle myself. I can't even tell the village that Itachi's in the area because then they'll want to know why I didn't capture him. Because considering that I'm not dead, something strange must've happened to still be alive. Usually in confrontations like shinobi like Itachi and I _usually_ had, one or both would end up dead as an outcome, and neither had happened. It would make people suspicious, and that wasn't good. I had to protect my comrades, my village, and my students. I couldn't be wasting away in prison for an alleged consort with the enemy. I couldn't afford to be off the front lines for a second.

Well, I just hope that no one ever finds out about this. I'd be so dead.

Kakashi


End file.
